Have you ever had a nightmare so dark and terrifying that you wake up over and over, reliving it endlessly? Nothing you do or however loud you scream, there is no escaping it. Eventually, you wake up. Sitting upright, grasping your chest, taking in deep breaths, thankful it was all just a dream.

What happens… if you never wake up?

“No!” I scream, bolting upright.

Sweat is pouring down my body as I convince myself that it's over. The thundering of my heart slows as I take long, deep breaths. The icy darkness of the barracks slowly brings me back to my senses as I realize it was the same nightmare as always. 

So much has happened in the year since I left home. I recall that day so clearly. Shaking out my hands, still being able to feel the pulse of Remi's neck on my fingertips. Maybe one day I could ask for her forgiveness, but for now I need to learn to forgive myself.

Grabbing a bag of corn nuts, I step outside into the cool, crisp air. Soon the heat will be smoldering, but for now I'll take the peace. Chewing on the salt snack, I can't help but think of my Goddess. My heart still aches thinking of her lifeless in my arms. 

Rolling deeper into my rabbit hole, I think of all the drinking and drugs I thought I needed to dull my pain. None of it was ever enough. I may have felt numb, but it was all still stabbing into me like an old horror movie. 

“What the hell are you doing out of bed, sailor?” snapped a voice I wish I would never have to hear again. 

“None of your damn business, Whin.” I bite back.

“That's Sargent to you, Connor. Now, answer my question.” It was too early to watch the vein throb in her neck.

“I don't know who has your panties all in a twist, but why don't you go find them and work that shit out, okay? I'm not awake enough for your bullshit,” I pop another kernel in my mouth and crunch it extra hard just for her.

“Screw you! Don't make me drag your ass to the yard and beat it out of you.” She damn near growled at me. 

“Kinky,” I wink at her and head back to bed.

I was already living in one nightmare, how in the hell am I going to handle another?